10 Signs I am a Middle-Aged, Suburban, Housewife

Signs that I hopelessly am hopelessly middle-aged have been piling up lately, even if we discount the fact that I just turned 34.  Here are the top ten.

1. I haven't used AAA in years.  During my college years, my card was worn smooth with pulling it out of my wallet to call them to tow my Escort/Skyhawk/Rabbit back to the farm so Dad could revive it, however ephemerally.  I got our replacement cards in the mail this week, and I couldn't remember the last time I called them.  And it was probably some hopelessly suburban reason, like having a nail in my tire, not catastrophic engine failure coupled with shot brakes.
2. I drink copious amounts of herbal tea.  Actually, I'm not sure this is a sign I'm middle-aged.  It might be a sign that I have been reincarnated as a vegan college student wearing dreads and reeking of incense.  However, it definitely is weak sauce compared to my daily Diet Pepsi intake in the college years.
3. I do laundry on a schedule.  In college, I washed my clothes when A.) I didn't have any clean clothes or B.) I was desperately trying to avoid writing a paper.  Now, I have two days of the week that I have designated as laundry days (Monday and Friday, if you're burning up with curiosity).
4. I run blatantly stereotypical errands.  Last week, I did an errand run to the post office, bank, dump and grocery store.  In my minivan.  With two kids.
5. I eat a high-fiber breakfast cereal every. single. morning.  In my defense, I occasionally switch between Frosted Mini Wheats and Raisin Bran.
6. I am older than most famous people.  I will be reading the morning paper (either over my shredded wheat or my peppermint tea, natch), and the amazing person I am reading about who has climbed Everest / composed a symphony / started a Montessori school for Haitian orphans funded by the proceeds of their bestselling book-- is a decade YOUNGER than me.  That kills me far more than having another birthday.
7. I occasionally find music to be too loud.  I've never been the kind of person to have music on 24/7, but if I did hear music, I liked it loud.  Now, I go places and wish they would please just turn the volume down.  And it's not because my hearing has gotten better-- I think Evan wishes I would hurry up already and just buy the hearing aid.
8. I would rather eat birthday cake with toddlers than have a night out on the town.  Or, at least, I want to wrap up the night on the town by getting home in time to tuck the kids into bed.
9. I write things on my calendar like "Change the furnace filter".  And I usually do such a thing on the day I designated for that incredibly mundane task.
10. I find middle-aged guys hot.  My kids are loving watching the YouTube video of Celtic Thunder singing "All God's Creatures Got a Place in the Choir" lately.  Celtic Thunder, at least for this video, is five guys singing.  The youngest one, Damian McGinty, is about 16-17 in the song.  He is gorgeous-- but I mostly want to pinch his cute little cheeks and pat his head.  On the other hand, forty-something year old (bald) George Donaldson-- him, I can imagine swooning over.

Okay, now I'm off to drink tea and read a novel before I turn on my electric blanket, put on my socks, obsess over dental hygiene, and crawl into bed.

There's officially no hope, is there?